I wear myself out pretty quickly with my work. So I have to make intentional choices.

I don’t know if it’s because I never really fully recovered from my major autistic burnout in 2020 (because I’ve been unable to make myself my top priority because we still need to pay bills…), but I’ve found that I have less mental energy per day than I used to. And I have to really be careful how I spend it. I often need to decide in advance in what order I’m going to do my day’s tasks. Or at least what I’m going to start with and prioritize. Because if I use up my mental energy on the first thing, there might not be enough left for other things I meant to do that day.

I think this is the actual reason why I’ve had a hard time getting going on my book again. I need to make money so we can live, so most days I feel like I need to start with paying work. But my biggest paying job takes a great deal of mental energy and focus, and it usually uses up what mental energy I have in a short period of time. It doesn’t help that the way that work has been arranged most of this year has made it so I have to work about three times as many hours to make the same amount of money as before. Which I can’t manage. So I end up working more than I can manage and still not make enough money.

So I try to do some paying work every day, and see what I’m able to do after that. That usually means one of these blog posts, plus, if I’m lucky, writing up a review or running errands or doing some housework.

It helps a little now that the temperature is cooler, but things just wipe me out in ways they didn’t used to. I know it’s stress and more mental than physical. But I can’t help but feel like Mrs. Bennet saying, “A little sea-bathing would set me up forever.” I feel like some recovery time is needed, like extended recovery time, but the realities of this world tell me it’s not possible. For now, at least.

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