When I’m trying to describe something to someone, I make a lot of analogies, and often want or need to draw some graphs. It’s easier than coming up with original words to explain what I’m trying to explain.

But when I’m trying to process my life and my experiences, it’s almost always through words. Not pictures.

Whether I’m annoyed about something and just need to talk about it, or I’m trying to piece together why I am a certain way, I just need to use my words. Sometimes writing, sometimes talking. Sometimes ranting and raving. It’s how I process. It’s vital. If I can’t do it, I can’t process the thing.

Rory has learned that when we’re having any relationship conflict, I just need to get out all of my feelings in words, and he does his best to make sure I feel heard. Then he tells me his perspective. Then we try to come up with a solution. If that doesn’t work, we iterate. There is always a solution once we identify the kernel of the problem. But that involves talking, ad infinitum. Sometimes what we think is the problem isn’t the problem at all, and it takes the two of us, talking it out with accurate words and no intention to be harmful, over and over, until we figure it out.

It’s the secret to our success, I think. But Rory is also the first person I’ve ever found with whom I can work through things like that. Two self-aware autistic people can go far together, I think.

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