Craving restful peace, but I seem to fill my life up by choice and by circumstance.

The last couple of months (well, most of 2023, really), I’ve really struggled to manage my stress. I’ve had patches of success, but especially lately with all of our traveling, I’ve had a hard time keeping it up. Things pile up faster than I can deal with them (or help the kids deal with them, as the case may be), which pushes me more and more to crave escape, which just makes things pile up even more. And, as is my tendency, food is the only significantly reliable way for me to regulate my emotions. So, that’s not good.

I’d planned for my Year of Being 50 to include a lot of adventure (definitely got this one down), but also a lot of joy and time spent following my bliss. But I’ve had a dearth of that second, all-important half. It’s felt like go-go-go all the time, even though it hasn’t been that way. My rest time isn’t very restful, whether that’s sleeping or mental rest. Even at home, when I’m able to control my environment considerably more, I struggle to manage my stress.

This fall, our routine will be changed up pretty significantly. For the first time since I had kids, both kids will be gone during the day, allowing Rory and me to get work done and other tasks completed with fewer interruptions, and allowing us to be more present for Kid #1 in the evenings/weekends and Kid #2 on college breaks.

I just hope I can establish a routine that has room for work, play, and rest. I may just need to schedule everything for a while to get into a new rhythm.


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