I think I’ve mentioned it before, but I burned out majorly in 2020. Rory wasn’t working, I had to work doubly to make sure our bills were paid, and it was a lot of pressure on me, not to mention the fact that when I work so many hours, I burn out. I don’t handle full-time or even mostly-full-time work well at all. Meaning, my body just shuts down. It also gives me reactions like stress rashes, migraines, and lots of other issues. And I eat, eat, eat for emotional regulation.

Since Rory’s disability was approved (in 2021 I think it was?), things have gotten better for me, but not well enough to have actually recovered. So I’m in low-level burnout all the time. And when something stressful comes up, like preparing for a big trip, or a lot of extra work, or complicated scheduling logistics, or even just more stuff on the schedule than usual, then that plus my normal load pushes me over the edge again to full burnout.

I haven’t had stress rashes in a while, but I do get more frequent migraines. And, the other day, I was doing my paying work trying to get it done, along with a ton of other things, before a very busy weekend, and my body just… felt like it was powering down. I could almost hear the “FOOOOOOoOooooommmm” noise you get when you power down certain electronics. But I got really tired, my arms got tired and weak, and I just couldn’t do what I was doing anymore. I’d been having trouble concentrating for weeks, and some extra muscle tension. And there were other signs, in retrospect.

I know the signs of burnout better than I used to, which is good. I wish I could send a message back 30 years so that young adult me would have a handbook of sorts. But this is an indicator to me to slow down. Do less. Which is hard to do when we already don’t make enough money.

But I need mental and physical rest. I don’t do too much physically that wears me out, but the mental effort that I exert has a great affect on my physical self. And it will take sustained rest, below my capacity, for many months to start to recover from this. But I don’t know when I’ll be able to make that happen for myself. Or if I will.


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